Here lately, I'm sorry and somewhat ashamed to say, I feel like I've been taking advantage of my husband. He's there and willing to do things for me even though he's been stressed out at work and most likely tired. The other day, I was outside sunning while reading an assignment from school. It was a definite homework assignment, don't get me wrong, but I kind of wanted to make it fun and enjoyed the perfect weather. Louis came out to start shoveling the decorative gravel and moved the lining bricks where he'd planned to plant some grass. He was working up a sweat, pulling out weeds, and I just sat there watching him feeling everything but useful.
"Can I help?"
"No babe, it's fine. I've got it. Plus you're doing homework."
Yes I'm doing homework, but I felt like a shmoe not helping out. It continued later in the day when I started doing laundry to offset my not helping earlier, even though homework wasn't done.
He took over because he knew the homework wasn't done. So instead, I started doing dishes. He got mad.
"Why don't you let me do anything around here?" he says more perturbed than the usual playful banter that usually crosses between us. "I live here, too."
"The truth is I feel bad asking you to do something. At the same time, you can see it there. We haven't done dishes since Easter and it's been sitting there, not done, for days," I answer. "I feel bad asking you because I know you've probably had just as hard a day as I have and I don't want to make you frustrated or something," I responded, remembering the day I came home from classes and he gave me an inadvertent tongue lashing when water splashed on his shirt from a pan I'd filled to let the melted-on insides soften to come out easier in the dishwasher (if anything in that sentence made sense).
So, I've left things alone, or I finish them completely.
Sometimes trying to help only leads to more problems as you have probably figured out by now. I am not married but I do live with four roommates and we all get a little moody and feel a little lazy when someone is cleaning and not another. Personally I would love your situation. Even though you may not think it is ideal for him to take over the tasks, it is him trying to make sure your things get done. He obviously loves and cares about you very much. It is good you realized to sometimes just leave things for another or finish what you start at the time. If you did not start the dishes I am sure it would never occur to him to start them. You really either have to do one or the either in all of lives situations besides just house chores. This motto could help you even with things in school. Either finish the paper you start or leave it until your ready to do it. When you want something done while your busy with homework maybe you could just suggest it to him, then he would not feel like your doing everything but it would get done when your thinking about it. Even though you were tanning while he was doing yard work, you were doing something for you that needed to both be done and enjoyed. It is nice to relax and kick back for a little and I am sure there are plenty of times when your busy doing things around the house while he rests. If you both try to do a little then neither will be doing more. I am not married as I said before so you do not have to take this advice because I do not really know what that specific situation is like.
ReplyDeleteNo worries, you make really great points! I really should take your advice. I'm always trying to be wonder woman but I do need to kick back and enjoy sometimes as both you and Louis keep telling me. I think it's finally starting to sink in, haha.
ReplyDeleteThanks for the comment!